I miss the sound of anger in your voice. The unparalleled animosity that screams at me as your lungs deflate and my ears start to ring. I miss having your hate infect me like a cancer. You make up my worst half, the half that hurts, the half that binds me to you. I am not complaining. As inane as my babble might be, I need you. I need what you represent in my life. You are my chaos, my insincere emotion that toils to comprehend the unexplainable. I long to find a meaning in this, in us. My magic is parlor tricks now, and I can only see you as you walk away, never when your there in front of me, on bended knee. I plead and beg but never out loud. It is no surprise that your blows sting and cripple me. Some day we will wake from this and find that we were never sleeping.

Spring has came at last, the chill of winter is visibly dissipating. The skies start to clear as earth's floor bursts forth with new life. The air is heavy with the sweet smell of nature in bloom. There is a pleasant dampness in the air, replacing it's freezing predecessor. Winters chill slowly fades as the temperature rises, slow and steady. The winter months have taken their toll and the earth yearns for spring. The budding trees bring early promises of whats to come, beauty returning year after year. The soil is thawed and already tiny colors are peeking out, reaching for the sky. The slumber is over and the earth starts to wake. She shakes her sleepy limbs as she stretches out her rested muscles.

College

I cannot begin to describe how much I love being back at college. Sitting in class soaking up the professors lectures, expanding my knowledge. It's the greatest feeling for me to learn something new, something i didn't even know existed. And i can't seem to get enough, like an insatiable hunger that i cannot seem to satisfy. The more homework i get the happier I am. To be stuck in books is a pleasure not a punishment. I spend hours in the library reading, searching, and exploring. Every subject is like a new journey, a quest. The harder the class the bigger the challenge.

What could have been......

I will always wonder what could have been. On summer nights beneath starry sky's, I hold them in my mind. Countless memories from countless faces swirl together creating an ache i cannot describe. Does everyone have memories that haunt them from time to time? Do we all share a common but unspoken pain? Are we all underneath the same star, wondering what could have been? If only I had thrown aside my caution, held close to my heart that which i did not deserve. But my folly is my burden and I'll carry it for eternity. It will stoop my back on those nights when thought beats out all action.

On The Bus

I'm a big fan of public transportation. I love the idea of sitting back and relaxing while someone else deals with the traffic and headaches of navigating the urban arena. And while that is a purely selfish motivation there is also that little thing called "being green". That's nice too. I think there are allot of people like me, normal, average people on their way to work or school. So why is my ride so miserable? Why does there seem to be this public transportation sub-culture that is determined to undermine my idea of a peaceful quite ride? I can't tell you how many times my ride has been plagued with a variety of overwhelmingly obstinate people. First there is the loud cell phone talkers. Granted back in 1980 I'm sure you had to shout on your ten pound Motorola to get the other person to hear you but this is twenty-ten and we have made serious improvements to the cell phone. STOP SHOUTING! I don't care enough about you to hear any of your conversations. Moving right along we have the people who, regardless of the fact that they are going to be sitting next to other people, have left the house without the faintest thought of personal hygiene. If you haven't bathed in a couple of days and you don't own deodorant stay off the bus! Next we have the drunks who can't seem to wait the fifteen minutes it takes to get home, so they have brought there brown bag of beer onto the bus and drink inconspicuously in the back seats. Alcholism is not cool, you don't look like a badass party animal you look like a bum. And if all these things aren't bad enough there is the ever present teenagers who find it necessary to try and 'shock' us all by swearing profusely and talking about all manners of devious things. We aren't impressed by you. We all know that in ten years you will be the ones serving hamburgers and pumping our gas so calm down and stop trying to make your parents mad. What happened to all the Emo kids who just sat on the bus with a frown and wrote in there journals? So please if you happen to read this and find yourself among these descriptions, please for the love of god stop! We all have to ride the bus and we just want to get from one place to the next with a minimum of trouble!